Dear Fanfiction
by DisneyWriter
Summary: You silent protagonist is now not so silent when he is forced to read fanfiction(in some cases lack thereof). Includes anime and manga characters.
1. Michael

**Taking a small break from the Kingdom Hearts fics, I decided to make some crack fics over Pokémon in the form of these**

**Don't own anything**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction,

Or should I say lack of. SERIOUSLY. Where is all the fics about me. Where's the shipping.

Wait! Let me just check the fan sites.

…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

YOU PEOPLE SHIP ME WITH THOSE LUNATICS?!

First off, I have no interest in Lovrina, you know the girl that made XD001. THE THING THAT LIFTED A SHIP RIGHT OUT OF THE SEA AND CHUCKED IT INTO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

Miror B. DON'T YOU PEOPLE REALIZE THAT HE IS EQUALLY A LUNATIC ON PAR WITH AFOREMENTIONED LUNATIC. HE INTENDS TO MAKE A TEAM IN HIS IMAGE.

BEST WISHES- hehem Best Wishes,

Michael

Snagger of Orre, Protagonist of _XD Gale of Darkness_, Guy That Looks Like Axel

* * *

**Yeah, did anyone else think this guy looks like Axel? And seriously get him some shipping fics.**

**Red's up next**


	2. Red

**Red's here now let's see what I had to say.**

**Red: …**

**Own nothing.**

* * *

Dear fanfiction,

Turns out my contract with Nintendo and Game Freak states that I can't have dialogue. Well it says nothing about writing. HahahahaahahajahahahHaha.

I speak for all my incarnations when I say we enjoy shipping (although some might be a little dense or love it too much), but we don't like it when you ship us with everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.(Adventures Red)

Ash, I really don't have a problem with, unless he acts denser than a box of doorknobs. Although I would like to sick the Mewtwo Adventures Red had on Tobias. That was rigged from the start. Do I even need to bring up Cameron?

…. . …...

Red

Silent Protagonist, Greatest Trainer Ever, Bad***, Idiot Hero to Some Extent, Xehanort, Wut

* * *

**I'm open to suggestions.**

**If none are made, Yellow is next.**


	3. Yellow

Dear hyopcrites,

Just because I sometimes venture in "Suetopia" does not mean you get a free pass to go flanderize me into a full on perfect Mary Sue. And while we're on the category of Mary Sues, why don't you bring out your Mary Sue who you ship with Red.

I have some good rules for you Mary Sue writers:

One: HANDS OFF

Two: Hypocrite

Three: HANDS OFF

Four: HANDS OFF

With lots of malice,

Yellow

Not a Guy, Not a Mary Sue, A Little Mad, Not in Love with Red, Not Bringing That up Unprovoked, Don't judge Me

* * *

Don't own anything.


	4. Wally

**Don't own anything**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction,

I get that you want to portray me as accurately as possible, but please stop making me so, for a lack of a better term, weak. I'm bad***. I get an awesome battle theme! I can possibly floor you.

On behalf of Adventures Wally, I did not enjoy Emerald. His personality is a mixed bag of nuts, but that design. Do I even need to elaborate?! And I was so looking forward to giant space dragon smashing everything, but nooooo. We get a a fake version of a monstrosity that already flooded everything.

Hehem, Some shipping is good. Some shipping fics are made by CRAZY YAOI WRITERS.

FIRST OFF, I'm a guy. Brendan is a guy. We don't go that way.

Second, There are plenty of girls to ship me with. SO DO EXACTLY THAT.

Third, Pokemon are my friends.

Anyways, Ship me with someone other than Brendan like you know May THE ONLY PERSON MY HEART WILL BELONG TO.

Did I really say that. Wait now it's on paper! NOW IT'S ON THE INTERNET!

With great fear,

Wally

Ambiguously Asthmatic, Bad***

P.S.

Emerald will use that against me when he gets a chapter, won't he.

* * *

**Yes he will, Wally.**

**And I'm a firm believer that fanfiction wouldn't have such a bad reputation if the explicit fics didn't exist. Yaoi is probably one of the worst offenders.**


	5. Ash Ketchum

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm still ten. Thank the writers. Not me.

I'm still an incarnation of Red. So give me some respect! I've saved the world from rampaging birds. I saved a whole town from being crystallized over. I saved saved Shadow Pokémon before. Not Wes. Not Michael. I saved the precursor at least.

I have the best wardrobe of any of the Red incarnations. At least I'm not some Mary Sue that exist for the sake of plot (Yellow, Xion). And yes I know who that is.

Yes, Best Wishes was a failure. Even I have to admit that. But the wardrobe rocked (You are so perfect for Serena).

I'm going to go back to my Unova self and be as dense as a box of doorknobs in order to avoid the dreaded topic of... Shipping.

Best wishes,

Ash Ketchum

Too Many Things to Label

* * *

**Ash: That wasn't so bad**

**Writer: You just insulted Xion and Yellow!**

***Oathkeeper appears on Ash's shoulder in place of Pikachu***

**Ash: Do something!**

**Writer: Pikachu will write the next letter. Meanwhile, Xion will beat Ash to a pulp then go back to making _Kingdom Hearts III_**

**Don't own anything**


	6. Ash's Pikachu

Dear fanfiction,

Using N's power to understand pokemon, I can now communicate. Without further ado, I don't know why I get nerfed at the beginning of every generation. That's the writers' job.

Evolution is a mons' private business. You don't get to decide when we evolve. On that topic of private business, STOP WRITTING THAT CRAP ABOUT ALL THOSE BREEDING THINGS.

The fruit is woodchuck. Dumb con kicker. Of in same mice.

Pika pika,

Ash's Pikachu**.**


	7. Blue(Green) I just don't know anymore

Dear fanfiction,

Why do I have to alternated between Green and Blue again? Oh that's right, someone thought it would be a good idea to go international with_ Red and Blue_ as oppose to the perfectly good _Red and Green_. Sometimes I go to the airport and when they ask me my name, I have to think about it.

One, depending on the country, I have to alternate between the two so I have to think about it.

Two, when people ask you your name, they expect an immediate response. When they don't, they sick their growlithe on you then call the police. I SHUT DOWN A FREAKING AIRPORT THAT DAY.

Wait! there's a girl named Blue/Green? Like I told the higher-ups, this wouldn't be a problem if we had surnames.

Does Organization XIII have this problem?!

Smell ya later,

Blue, Green, Champion Guy, The Rival, Whatever

* * *

**This sort of the reason why I don't like doing many Pokefics. You will eventually see one. A dramatic one is in progress.**


	8. Serena

Dear angry shippers,

Just because I have a canon crush on Ash gives you no right to declare a shipping war on me. I have a game incarnation that would love to oblivion wing on you.

I will get character development. Maybe. Who knows? Maybe I'll give Ash some development. (You certainly want that don't you)

Did I just think that on the Internet? I blame the writer.

Best wishes,

Serena

The Fire That Fuels Ash's Anger, Where Did That Come From?

P.S.

Anyone fid it a little strange that Xerneas is an anagram of "Serena" and "X" maybe that's why a strange bald man wants to recruit me.

* * *

Great Kingdom Hearts when is she going to get more character development?

Review if you want a Serenanort OC chapter


	9. Team Rocket Trio

Dear fanfiction,

You have two options: competent or joke.

There is one half, no, one hemisphere that likes us to be competent. The other half of the world wants us to be bumbling dolts.

And what's with all the shipping with pokémon? Do you know the biological monstrosities that can be made from one of those things?! ...… I smell boss fantasy.

Let's go to Adventures boss and see if that could be a good DNA experiment. You know. Those guys enjoy those types of experiments. Why they haven't done a pokéhuman is beyond us. Although I wouldn't be surprised if Sird was one of them. We will make clones of every single one of them. Then, we'll take the whole universe. WOBBUFFET

End of boss fantasy,

Team Rocket Trio

* * *

**Am I the only person that notices that Adventures Team Rocket enjoy genetic experiments?**


	10. Hilbert

Dear annoying trolls(Oh boy),

I have an awesome name. You're just jealous that I have one and you don't. (Very mature Hilbert)

Stay out of this Hilda. And who is this Ash Ketchum you say stole my wardrobe?(You know, he did technically give it back-)

Hilda, if you say you condone stealing, your side of the room will look worse than what happened during our first battle. Ugh, siblings.

STOP SHIPPING ME WITH N. HE IS PSYCHO. HE HACKED INTO THE FREAKING PC. SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE PUCHED HIM OFF THE FERRIS WHEEL. BUT, NOOOOOOO, HILDA WOULDN'T LET ME KICK HER BOYFRIEND OFF OF THE TOP. (HILBERT! He was a crazy man child )

SEE WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE DONE? I'M CURRENTLY MORE HAMMY THAN ADVENTURES HILBERT. (You mean Black right?)

WITH HAMMY ANGER,

Hilbert

(All commentary by Hilda)

Pokémon League Champion

* * *

Aren't siblings great?


	11. Hilda

Dear fans of mine (Not),

I'm not exactly glad you ship me with Hilbert (Still an awesome name), and I know in some circles we're not siblings (I bet you would enjoy that wouldn't you), but please some are ridiculous(Like wearing those short shorts in the cold). As for N, he's somewhat of a man child. With his (adoptive) father's bad parenting(And naming) I pity him.

As for Hilbert, YOU HAVE ONE MORE NERVE TO STRIKE BEFORE YOU GET IT. I'M SERIOUS THIS TIME. I'M ABOUT TO UNLEASH MY RAGE(YOU CAN'T STEAL HUGH'S CATCHPHRASE) I DID

WITH THE "MOST HAMMY TROPHY" (STOLEN FROM XEHANORT OF COURSE)

HILDA

(ALL COMMENTARY BY HILBERT)

* * *

Why is everyone yelling?


	12. Hugh

Dear haters of awesome,

I'm about to unleash my rage for one reason. Shipping.

It's not that I have anything against it, but I have other personality traits than over hormonal teen (Revenge obsessed psychopath comes to mind). Huh? I'm probably hearing voices.

And quit your groaning over the fact that my character arc is based off of VENGEANCE. It's not like Silver who has the issue of being Giovanni's child (And what's the deal with stripping Ethan/Lyra?), Brendan/May was outright pathetic (Hey, the remakes fixed that. AND YOU FORGOT WALLY ), Barry was a lot (You know a lot is a piece of land), Cheren... has really tight pants, _keep in mind that I'm friends with lunatics wearing wetsuit under their clothes_, and the Kalos gang could have been a Power Rangers-esque team, but they chose to pursue other goals. I don't even want to insult Bianca. She will beat me with a purse (Who's afraid of a purse).

With the blood of Team Plasma grunts (Wut),

Hugh

(Name and title withheld out of fear)

* * *

**Can you guess the identity of the mysterious commenter?**

**Don't own anything**


	13. Brendan

Dear double pants haters (So dramatic),

Yeah, I said it. Double pants haters.

I have brown or black (Or white). NO NOT WHITE. hair. NOT WHITE. NOT PURPLE. NOT BLONDE.

And I am not a creepy stalker(The jury's still out on this) you psychotic contestshippers. I am perfectly normal. The games and anime are different continuities. Either way, I get May in any canon but the anime. And I don't want to date Wally. He probably wants May.

Oh, before I forget HOENNSHIPPING CONFIRMED. You hate on the double pants, you get the teeth (You're so obseesseive). I AM NOT. Thy sins shall find thee out (Is that suppose to intimidate me). Why don't you dissapear (You and what lightning hands).

With the bones of the mysterious commenter,

Brendan

(My name starts with an L and ends with an A)


	14. Genwunners

Dear heretics,

The Order of Genwun will not tolerate the disgraceful crap you call the games now. Gen 2 was okay to say the least. Gen 3 was bad. Gen 4 was worse. Gen 5 was deplorable. Gen 6 was polarizing.

Those who say otherwise will be excommunicated from the cult… er… I mean order. The order shall not stand for the inferior mons churned out after the second generation.

Gen 2: Okay designs. Loved Kris. Gold looked worthy to take down Red.

Gen 3: Bad designs. White-haired idiot. Oversized girl. And they added a female counterpart for Red. Destroyed forever.

Gen 4: Deploreable nuff said. They gave Ethan a name and capris and replaced Kris with Mario.

Gen 5: I draw the line at "Hilbert"

Gen 6: I remember a time where people accused Digimon of ripping us off. Now it turned the other way.

With the blood of fools,

Genwunners

* * *

**Genwunner cultist: That wasn't so bad**

**Ethan: *Picks up battle axe* What did you say about my pants**

**Brendan:*Picks up torch* And my hair**

**May:*Unleashes her pokémon* What do you mean by oversized?**

**Leaf:*Carts in the weapons of Organization XIII* Xion said we'll need these**

**Dawn:*Moves in a fusion cannon* And this**

**Lucas: Where are the coffins?**

**Gen 5 protags:KOOPA MERCINARIES**

**Serena: Come on, get the spinoffs as well**

**Red: Wait**

**zealot: blasphemy**

**Red: I get first crack**

**This was a bloody author's note. And yes this is my rant against them.**


	15. Tao Trio

Dear mortals,

HOW DARE YOUR ANIME PORTRAY ME AS SOME PLOT DEVICE. YOU GET TO HAVE MY OTHER AND YET NOT ME. WHY?

ALL I DID WAS MAKE SOME LIGHTNING AND NERF A MOUSE, NOT MUCH PLOT IMPORTANCE. WHILE RESHIRAM GETS A HERO AND PLOT IMPORTANCE. WHERE'S THE HERO OF IDEALS? WHAT ARE THESE WRITERS THINKING?

IDIOTS ARE ALIVE AND WELL,

ZEKROM

DRAGON OF IDEALS

Dear mortals,

I WAS WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DUEL I WAS SUPPOSE TO HAVE WITH THAT SPOTLIGHT STEALER. NOT MY OTHER, THE LIZARD WITH WINGS. THAT LAST EPISODE WAS SO RUSHED, WHY IS PIKACHU ABLE TO THUNDER ARMOR ME BACK TO FREEDOM?

WITH THE FIRE OF MY TAIL,

RESHIRAM

DRAGON OF TRUTH

Dear respectable citizens of the internet,

I very much enjoyed your anime because it did not make me look bad. Sure those ungrateful brutes go a two movies to themselves, but I get their powers without the need to absorb them. That, and the blood knight that will make you finish a duel you instigate was a nice way to paint me. But if I hear Let It Go Played near my ice castle one more time, you become lunch

Best wishes,

Kyurem

The Original Dragon of Unova(or at one time was)


	16. Lovrina

Dear fanfiction,

It was I who had made those comments on the other letter. So, what are you gonna to do about it? As a friendly reminder, I have unleashed a shadow tyranitar upon them just to show them what I can do.

But first, the shadow pokemon will be unleashed upon you first. Why? Is it because of those oh so horrible fanfictions with the premarital sex and inappropriate uses of the human body? YES! YES IT IS!

I may be a villain that uses big vicious torture machines to play with the hearts of living creatures, but the fool that made me read _My Immortal_ will be fed to the shadow. It's going to be so fun to watch.

Best wishes,

Lovrina


	17. Archer

Dear hypocrites,

Why do you call us evil when your vile works you call "fanfiction" make us look like half-decent folk? Putting aside a the other crap, I want to focus on one,_ My Immortal_. It's so bad I haven't slept in nights. It's kept me awake throughout the entire season. If I'm not careful, I might start hallucinating!

Its grammar? Atrocious. Its writing? Beyond cheap. Its story? What brain operated by a dead hamster on a broken spinning wheel would be fucking stupid enough to greenlight this shit?!

It's horrible. It's dreadful. Supercrapafuckarifficexpialabullshit! A fic so bad the censors really oughta go and pull it, sadly there's not many words that only rhyme with bullshit, supercrapafuckarifficexpialabullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! ...no really though, it's awful.

I will sick the organization on you,

Archer

Temporary Leader of Team Rocket

P.S. I'm a villain. I get to swear and blatantly plagiarize the Nostalgia Critic.


	18. Ghetsis

Dear pokemon food,

Forget that overgrown shell. It can listen to Xemnas monologue about nothingness all year for all I care. I can have Colress just harness the power of yaoi, yuri, slash, lemons, etc. The Ultimate Weapon of Kalos shall become a distant memory.

I have a consolation prize for you. You shall be eaten by my pokémon for shipping me with that freak.

*What appears to be claw marks*

Ghetsis

PERFECTION, Team Plasma Leader


	19. Intermission

**Now for a brief intermission. Yes, there will be a genuine storyline for this light-hearted fanfic.  
**

* * *

"That was horrifying," said Ash Ketchum after reading some of the fanfiction. This one was a betrayal fic, a cliché among the Ash's fanfiction.

"At least you have a fandom," Michael nonchalantly said, "All I get are complaints that I'm a step down from Wes."

"And of course the shipping with Lovrina," Ash added. Michael instantly took off from his seat, slammed Ash against the wall of the lobby, and began to howl like a mightyena on coffee.

"We. Don't. Speak. Of. It. Ever." Michael said. Ash began to shake in place from either shock of fear. Who says it can't be both? You can hear the curdling of blood from just outside that lobby. Nate came walking through the door reading more fanfiction about himself, probably wishing he took that acting job for that last movie as opposed to read these doorstops and give his opinions.

"Really who wears boxers under a wetsuit? That just doesn't work," Nate thought. His train of thought gets cut short with the sight of Ash wetting his pants over Michael's -umm- tantrum.

"Michael, are you going to let him go?" Nate asked. Michael just dropped Ash who then stumbled to his feet. He managed to sit down barely realizing that he wet himself.

"That is sick," Nate said throwing the paper copy of some unspeakably horrible fanfic to the ground. He moved towards the boy with the wet pants and the boy filled with rage.

"Let me guess-" Michael started.

"Yes," Nate replied.

"I was thinking," Ash said, "We should make an alliance and overthrow the author of this fic. Then we would write our own story so that we won't have to be sadistically tortured with these."

"Huh? I'm sorry. I just never expected this from you of all people," Nate said.

"Hey, I just act dense," Ash declared, "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go change."

He walked out without another word giving time for Nate and Michael to ponder. What story do they want to convey? Who would be in their world of crapsack? Who is this Sora that Nate is always compared to? Who is this Axel that Michael is always compared to?

* * *

**Next time: Who will join the alliance to overthrow me?**

**So far we have:**

**Nate**

**Ash **

**Michael**

**_Yeah right. They're not going to overthrow me._ **

**Nate: Who do you want to join the alliance  
**


	20. Pokémon

Dear friends,

No more Digimon jokes! This isn't the nineties when war and flip phones were a thing. The ones with mega forms know the irony, but we've accepted that Digimon has better anime and we have better games. That's just the natural order of things.

Even the humans get along fine. I bet you didn't know that Ash goes to the digiworld to slow the aging process, or Rosa gets her lotion from said world, or Serena secretly ships Taiora, or Lucas socking Matt in jewels all for sinking the ship… I can see why you like this shipping stuff.

We get along. Why can't you?

By the power of this translator,

All Pokémon

P.S. The shadow Pokémon have some Heartless jokes they want to share. Since you compare them to those heart-eating abominations so much, why don't they tear yours out?

P.S.S. None of us want to join the revolt against the author except the shadows. They want fics for themselves.

**I'm going to have to agree with them. While the Digi-Poké Wars have raged one since the dawn of both, I think it's time to go flame someone else. **

**I fully agree that Digimon has better anime while Pokémon has better games. If not, the flame war will makes physics a joke, logic optional, continuity an artifact, and the world will explode.**

**I also say that Sora should have been with Tai.**


	21. Cameron (Unova)

Dear fanfiction,

Um, what was I going to say? Oh yeah. I won that battle with Ash fairly. There were no hacks used mainly because this is real life. I'm voiced by Kouki Uchiyama for crying out loud. And Nate is voiced by Miyu Irino. and Dawn is voiced by Megumi Toyoguchi... You know, bragging about the fact you're voiced by a member of the _Kingdom Hearts_ cast is a lot harder to brag about once you realize there's so many. Just look at _Digimon_.

Oh Crap,

I may have just started a flame war.

Cowering in fear,

Cameron

* * *

I never liked this guy. Nuff said.


	22. Ruby

Dear fanfiction,

I. AM. NOT. GAY.

I have nothing against homosexual people. I just don't like the fact that you think my habits make me a homosexual person. I'm into fashion, looks, and contests, but does that paint me as gay? NO. Yes, I did admit I wear make up.

You know, boys being into that stuff is a basis for arguing that a person is gay, but girls being tomboys is not questionable at all. Double standard I tell you.

I hate having double standards,

Ruby


	23. Writers and Executives

Dear customers,

We will not let Ash win a league. Or age for that matter. Who needs good writing when you have a fat stack of cash?

Here are all the ways we can knock him out of the league:

-Bring Cameron back

-Bring Tobias back

-Get Cipher to show off their invincible Shadow Pokémon even though Orre is not in that canon

-Combustion Man

-Digimon

-Dream Eaters

-Or our favorite, Deu Ex Machina, you know, for the other person

We're done,

Writers and Executives


End file.
